Tuesday, March 31, 2015

Why has No become a bad word?

What has happened in this world that people feel they shouldn't tell their children no? When did a crying child become something so difficult to deal with that the answer has just become a resounding yes?

I am going to let you in on a little secret. You aren't helping them! You aren't making things better for them. You are absolutely NOT teaching them anything. Sure, in the short term you are making them feel happy, you are giving them their way which in turn makes the screaming or the tears stop. I get it, it is much easier to say yes, it feels good, it makes everyone happy. Now, answer this.

As an adult, does the world always tell you yes? Do you always get your way? Do you always get what you want, the moment you feel you should have it?



Me either!

Do you know why I can handle that?

Because my parents told me no. A lot! They told me no, I couldn't play in the street, they told me no I couldn't go do things with my older sister who was doing things I wasn't allowed to be doing yet. They told me no I couldn't have that item at the store that I knew I couldn't live without. The biggest shocker here...I lived without it! I learned to wait, I learned to understand we can't always have everything all the time forever!

Children need structure, they beg for it. They beg us every day to shape and form them into what will one day be an adult human who has to get a job and drive a car and follow the law. When you tell your child no you are teaching them boundaries, you are showing them you love them. The short term pain is making long term gains they can't even understand yet. It is actually good for children to wait to do things!! If a movie isn't rated for them to watch it, make them wait until they are old enough, help them to understand it has information their young minds can't comprehend and when they are old enough they will be able to enjoy it that much more. Talk to them! Tell them why and let them know it is ok to be frustrated or not want to wait and then remind them that even though they don't like it, the answer is no. The end.

Parent's have become so scared to tell their children no, to upset them, to not be the constant hero and soon we are going to have a world full of very confused children. Children whom are now adults and don't understand why someone else got the promotion, why they are told no by the bank about that loan they want. Parenting starts the first day. You can't go back and change things when they turn 16 and don't understand what you mean when you tell them they can't take the car out for the night. They just know that every time they have thrown a fit for the past 16 years it has worked and now they are bigger and stronger and louder and will throw that fit until it works and you will look at them and wonder where in the world you went wrong. Why in the world they feel they can act this way. I have one thing to say, they act this way because YOU let them. You told them it was ok when they were two years old and didn't want to take a nap and screamed until you got them out of bed to play instead.  You told them they could act this way when, at the store, you bought the toy they were screaming about instead of picking them up and carrying them to the car possibly even leaving your groceries behind. You told them they could act this way when they told you no and you said ok.

Please parents. Please don't be scared of the word no. I promise you, it will be ok. Your children will not be sad forever, they will not cry forever, they will not hate you. Those feelings are so quick to come and go that you will barely even notice but the long term effects last their entire lifetime. Not only do they last their lifetime but they will feel safe and able to tell their children no as well, it will create a wonderful ripple effect and soon the world will be full of loved, cherished, peaceful people who understand boundaries, kindness, and patience.

Lets just give it a try. What could it possibly hurt?